Remember a few posts ago when I mentioned the asset list I received in the divorce? We had mediation based solely on an item in that list.
In January of 2016 I told JJ we were getting a divorce. I told him I was done giving him a chance and our marriage was over. He didn't like this idea. Once Minnie had confirmed their affair which had been happening for the past four months {to my knowledge} and the lies I was being told by my husband, I knew it was time. The first time I tried divorcing JJ, in 2013, it was a disaster. This time I told him I wanted him to realize we were getting a divorce because of him and his mistakes. I told him he had to file so this felt real to him and he could understand this was happening because of what he had done. I had to guide him every step of the way and make sure it was getting done since he clearly didn't agree with the divorce. I knew I wasn't going to do what I did the first time, my lesson was learned. JJ spoke with an attorney in January then we met with him together. We discussed options and set into action the things we had discussed. In February I asked JJ if he had heard anything about our divorce and he replied he hadn't. I emailed his attorney and asked if he had filed, he said no. I informed him it needed to be done right away, we were ready. I also asked him to add on the divorce decree that my name be changed back to my maiden name. It was a hard decision but I knew I didn't want to have the last name associated with my ex husband, especially in our small town. Over the next two months JJ and I sat together compiling a list of our assets. We split them up equally so we both ended up with the same amount of equity. JJ submitted the form to his attorney then we signed the final documents in June. Now that we have gone our completely separate ways I'm ready to get all the assets agreed upon in the divorce turned over to my name. I should have done it months ago but it wasn't necessary then. I'm ready to cut my ties and move on. JJ refuses to sign the deed to the property we purchased together yet I was awarded in the divorce decree. He is claiming I snuck in and changed the spreadsheet before he gave it to his lawyer. This is absurd as he is the one who had the spreadsheet and submitted it, himself, to his own attorney. In mediation JJ was aiming to get the property back from me. His goal was to use it for his future business and also mortgage it to help pay for his back surgery in Germany. He has plenty of other assets he could sell to pay for this trip or even take out a personal loan. Instead he was begging for the property that was given to me. In our mediation JJ wouldn't budge. He had something I wanted, I had something he wanted yet he refused to compromise in any way resulting in me taking the property that was rightfully mine and him leaving with nothing except a parent plan set into play. We finalized the custody evaluator we would be using, figured out my child support(which I don't have to pay for the next seven months to make up for what he never paid me during those four months he was ordered to), then set up weekends and timing schedules for the children's parent time. It was a success and everything set into play would help us have no miscommunications {like last weekend} again. Thank heavens. Within minutes of JJ leaving the building I got a text message from my son that said "I'm not going to x mas with you. I hate you. Leave me alone. Don't forget, don't talk to me." His dad must have told him I wouldn't give him the property so D thinks I'm vicious for not handing over something to his father to help him. D doesn't realize that his dad walked into a negotiation meeting and no one can negotiate if one party won't budge on their compromises. One of the most important parts of the agreement signed that day stated that neither of us would talk to the kids about legal issues or parent time. This was great for me since the night before mediation Sis said to me, "We're staying at Grandma's because you're taking Daddy to court tomorrow." My children did not need to know about our mediation nor should they think I was taking their dad! Within minutes of signing the papers agreeing to that, JJ told our son about what happened. This day was roller coast. An expensive roller coaster! I would love to write the details but I feel as if it should be kept private right now, so this is a memory I will put in my book notes. I walked away from mediation completely loving my attorney. I've never had anyone stand up to JJ like she has and he couldn't do anything back. She wouldn't back down, she wouldn't budge, she wouldn't be bullied. I admire her and the intelligence behind her pretty face. She has become my new angel and is the person keeping me above water right now. I walked away grateful for my brother, because he sat with me all day so I wasn't alone. He put everything on hold to be there for me through the entire day. I feel as if there is a little bit of life pushed back inside of me and there is an end in sight. It may not be soon, but I can feel there is an end to this madness. The day after signing the detailed parent plan JJ already has broken several contingencies set in place. He has been talking to the kids about parent time and coached them about not having to see their mother or stay with me for the holiday. Even though our agreement said my parents are allowed to pick the kids to accommodate traveling JJ tried to keep my dad from picking the kids up. We've had the holiday schedule set up for weeks and it follows the state law. The kids were supposed to be ready for my dad to pick them up at five o'clock today. My dad was there for over an hour dealing with the kids feeding off of JJ's anger. JJ wasn't being a parent, he was being a terrible example and putting the kids in the middle of his problems. The kids were telling my dad, their Grandpa, they didn't have to go with him because their daddy said the law stated they didn't have to. The kids told my dad I was destroying their family and I was mean to their daddy. My dad had to deal with JJ telling him he didn't have to make the kids go and the only way was if my dad called the Sheriff. He even tried intimidating my dad by stepping close to him and telling D it sounded like Grandpa threatened them. My dad is a Saint for keeping calm. Once my sweet, patient dad was able to talk kindly to the children and compromise with them they got in the car and were on their way to his house. My dad told me once the kids were in the car their bubbly, happy attitudes returned almost instantly. Within thirty minutes of him taking them away from JJ's house they called me and I'd received an "I love you mom" from both of my children, which is something they haven't done in a while considering the awful things their dad has been telling them about me. I asked my dad to write up a statement about the evening and as I read his text messages describing the night it made me sick to my stomach and my heart was aching so much. I am so grateful for my dad's wisdom and patience during the evening because I guarantee no other person would have been able to stay calm in that situation. I've been there. I've heard JJ yell at me to "Get the fuck out of my house" in front of our children then shove me towards the front door while they watched. It's no wonder my children think it's okay to treat me this way and have anger towards me like that, they've seen their dad do it for over half of their little lives. D heard his dad call me a bitch just over a month ago and I apologized that he had to hear it. For the first time ever, D defended his dad for calling me names such as that. Every day, week and month they're with their dad they lose their values and their respect for people. Especially people their dad doesn't like. I am so excited to have the kids for the next two weeks. I'm excited to have them in my home full of love and peace. There is no animosity in my home, no anger, no bad words lingering in the air. There is no room for that when there is a life full of happiness ahead of them. I cannot imagine what kind of drama will unfold over the next two weeks. My soap opera life continues, but I will always have a smile.
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AuthorI was married for 12 years. This is my journey of dealing with lies, manipulation, depression, suicide attempts and the affairs of my narcissistic husband... while protecting my kids to the point of them being in his custodial care. Abuse comes in many forms, my goal is to educate and help others who feel trapped in this, sometimes silent, abuse. Archives
February 2017
CategoriesNote:Names have been changed in respect to privacy |
Photo used under Creative Commons from Fan.D & Dav.C Photgraphy